Yeah, so I’ve had a shitty week. And now I’m cranky. Cranky because everyone and everything related to my real life existence has been Doing. My. Head. In. Things are now set to look up, but lest I forget that which has conspired recently to annoy me, and therefore risk losing my grip on all this rampant negativity, I’m making sure I write it all down. For posterity. YEAH. Because I’m fun like that.
So. This weeks shit list is as follows:
1. Work meetings that masquerade as being part of a consultation process when in reality any relevant decisions have already been made long ago and none of the people with any real power who made them give a flying frig what anyone says at the so-called consultation meeting which is by now clearly pointless even if cake has been provided.
That may have been a long and rambly sentence criminally lacking in any kind of appropriate pauses, but seeing as that’s entirely in keeping with the circumstance it describes, I’m going to let it stand. Oh how I just love to have my time wasted. It really is my absolute favourite thing.
2. My son giving me a continual running commentary on… well pretty much anything really, but his Welsh homework in particular. So he has an assignment which is to write half an A4 page on what he has been up to over the weekend. It is precisely thirty minutes until his bed-time and he appears to be consumed by a burning desire to read me the one sentence he’s spent the last hour putting together… again. Also, he cannot possibly think what else to write. Have I got any ideas?
No, is the short answer. Because my Welsh is… at best… random. I can say ‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘thank you’, ‘good day’, ‘good night’, ‘come here’, ‘sit down’, and ‘number five please’ (the latter picked up from all the hours of my life I’ll never get back queueing in the post office). However from there on in, things start to take a turn for the strangely tangential. There is my latest phrase which is… ahem: ‘Dau gi bach dim un hoffi tywod‘, which translates roughly as, ‘Two little dogs don’t like sand’. Don’t ask. Plus there is also: ‘Wedi mynd, bell yn ol’ which means, ‘It’s gone, a while ago’. And that’s about it. Useful, I’m sure you’ll agree.
But whenever I attempt to speak to my children in Welsh, their response is to stick their fingers in their ears and shout at me to STOP JUST SAYING RANDOM WORDS. Apparently I DON’T MAKE SENSE. Which is fine, but then DON’T ASK ME WHAT YOU CAN WRITE ON YOUR WELSH HOMEWORK. BECAUSE I’LL ONLY TELL YOU TO WRITE RANDOM STUFF LIKE HOW TWO LITTLE DOGS THAT DON’T LIKE SAND WERE GONE A WHILE AGO PLEASE THANK YOU GOOD NIGHT.
It’s funny really, because whenever I speak to my neighbour in Welsh, she seems to love it. Seriously, she falls about the place instantly. Hysterical is not even the word.
3. Testicle pictures. Because there’s this guy that works in our building now. One lone wolf man in our all woman work force. Apparently – so I’m told – he manages the place, but I’ve a feeling ‘building manager’ is in fact code for ‘besuited and vastly overpaid care-taker’. He certainly is fond of laminating things. Anyway, the other day, apropos of nothing, he showed one of my colleagues a medical photograph of his poorly testicle. Which, you know, pissed me off. And not because I wanted to see it either.
4. My own sense of direction. Which is worse than a decapitated chickens. This week I opened a full length cupboard door in the adjacent building to my office thinking it was the way out. Turns out not only had I got the wrong door, I had also got completely the wrong floor. Please do bear in mind this building is no larger than your average, three bedroomed domestic dwelling. Fact: I have the spatial awareness of an over-excited puppy on drugs. It is so bad I EVEN ANNOY MYSELF! Plus there is no surer way to convince everyone you work with that you are mental than trying to exit a building through a bloody cupboard door.
Yet more things that have annoyed me this week:
The rain.
My busted lawnmower.
Stupid skype notifications.
And that thin lipped bloke off The Apprentice who keeps asking for ‘specifics.’ (The one with the stupid hair has grown on me rather).
So yeah. Blah. Here’s to the weekend.
No. 1 is the bane of my life… local government runs on pointless meetings attended by people who couldn’t make a decision or referee a football match between two peas. I feel your anger.
I wonder, if we added up all of the hours of our lives spent in pointless meetings, how much of our lives would be wasted. Hmm. Depressing. Sorry.
I like your rants, I’m feeling rather cranky myself but sadly my annoyances are nowhere near as funny.
I’m guessing the ‘it’s gone already’ Welsh phrase was learnt at a bus stop? I attempted to talk in Catalan today (the first time EVER, I usually dazzle people with my shite Spanish) only for the person to reply in English. Cheers!
Aw that seems unfair if you’re making the effort…
Now I could help you with 2 being a native Welsh speaker.
Some other random things for you to say to them: “Rydw i’n chwarae sboncen yn y ganolfan hamdden” I play squash in the leisure centre and “Dau gi bach yn mynd i’r coed” Two little dogs going to the woods (its actually the start of a rhyme)
I say things to my kids in Welsh and get either a yes Mummy back or some made up language which she thinks is Welsh from the youngest!
I also think that you’ll find that we are on a par with the sense of direction – have made DH drive wrong way up dual carriage way once when I got my left and right mixed up!
BNM
Ah yes! I spent years singing Dau gi bach when my children were at nursery! In fact I can probably sing the whole song if I put my mind to it. Now there’s a treat…
Know what annoys me? When you comment on someone’s status on Facebook and then you get notified Every. Single. Time. someone else comments. Ugh.
I hate that too! You could write an entire post on the myriad annoyances associated with facebook.
Ew to the testicle picture. And totes with you on the annoying one from The Apprentice, just extraordinary. Hoping you feel better post-rant x
I do, thank you. Ranting on ones blog is something I can thoroughly recommend.