I hate olives.
I loathe them.
They taste like the particularly acrid semen of a man who doesn’t get his five a day.
There, I said it.
I have tried to like olives. I mean really tried. I have put far more effort into it that any damn foodstuff deserves frankly. I still periodically re-try them in the hope that I might have changed my mind, or that they will have magically transformed themselves into the delicious treat that everyone claims them to be. But much like leopards and philandering husbands (sigh) they never change.
There is a myth that abounds about olives that states if you force yourself to eat fifty of them in a row you will then like them forever. Some of the most dedicated peddlers of this myth come disguised as my friends. My own friends are involved in a conspiracy to try and make me eat olives. Sometimes they vary the theme by persuading me that these particular olives are different – perhaps they are a different colour or maybe they’re stuffed with something equally vile such as pimento paste – but the outcome is always the same… My friends clutch at each other crying real tears of mirth whilst I pull tortured faces and make agonised, strangled, heaving noises.
It recently occurred to me that I had my olive attitude all wrong. Why the self induced pressure to develop an appreciation for something that was so clearly the spawn of a furious and vengeful Satan? Why the tenacity? The dogged, zealous determination to stick with a challenge that provided no pleasure factor whatsoever? I realised in that moment that I could never win against olives. That they were pure, undiluted little ovals of evil and there was no shame in admitting my defeat.
Hey, I thought, I don’t actually have to like olives!
It was an epiphany people. And I am now finally free. I thank you.
I like olives, but then I have never tasted the se an of a man who dent get his five a day! Good t see you back
Hey you. Thanks for coming and having a read.
So sorry to hear you’re not well at the moment. Get well soon. x
I hate olives too. Someone recently told me that if you try a food 9 times you will end up liking it, but I’ve tried olives a couple of times and I’m not prepared to try again. Yuk.
And btw, WELCOME BACK! Where have you been hiding….you’ve been missed.
A fellow olive hater. It’s you and me against the world NotSuperMum.
I haven’t been hiding – I’ve just had the longest case of bloggers block ever recorded. Every week I’ve thought, ‘this week I will blog’ and then… nothing. But you have to start somewhere right? So I’ve started back by writing a load of bollocks about olives in the hope that it will help me gather momentum. We’ll see.
Good to hear from you. Will pop on over to yours to see how you’re doing. x
i would say the same for tomatoes….though possibly in order to do so I would have to add salt. So I am told…
Hey Tattie! You don’t like tomotoes? Not even the little cherry ones? Really good to hear from you – so excited to ‘see’ all these familiar bloggy faces again.
Now…you see…I like olives, a lot. I ate them every evening with cheddar and ritz crackers when I was pregnant with number 2. Number one joined me in the olive fest. When number 2 was born I called him Oliver…he HATES olives! So good to see you back missis. xxx
Good to see you too! Really looking forward to reading about your trip to Mozambique. x
Olive lover over here. But used to hate them until I lived in Spain for a bit and got used to really good, fresh, lovely ones. Can’t stand the olives that come in jars, but from a good deli? YUM!
Lovely to see you back Gappy! x
Hellooooo! I’m guessing you must be rather busy with your new baby these days. Hope you’re well my dear. Shall head on over to yours shortly. xxx
So happy to see you back! You’ve been missed.
And totally agree about Olives. My wife can eat them a tin at a time but just the smell makes me heave. Yuck. They are, as you suggest, the taste of pure evil.
Hey Steve! You know it – those things are nasty nasty nasty. And they’re planning world domination. Be very afraid.
What do you think about capers?
Capers are fine. I approve of capers. Have even been known to add some to my salad occasionally. It’s just olives I take exception to.
I feel the same about anchovies.
Olives – I have become accustomed too and now can distinguish between the ones I like and the ones that I like less.
I am with you though – just let it go and move on. I don’t think having a liking or loathing of olives is a barometer of anything other than whether you like olives or not.
Yes, quite. I have now laid the matter to rest. Not a single one of those nasty buggers will ever pass my lips again.
I used to hate olives but then get a taste for them (perhaps, I should start questioning my sexuality?)
Hey Spencer, was that revelation a little too much? I’m sorry. Heh he. x
I shall never be able to eat an olive ever again without thinking of the line ‘acrid semen of a man who doesn’t get his 5 a day…”
Tho funnily enough, it hasn’t quite put me off the prospect of blow jobs.
That’s a little worrying, surely? Especially because olives are a little easier for me to come across than blow jobs, at this point in time.
Well it’s like I always say Nicola. In the heat of the moment it’s fine but you wouldn’t want to drink a glass for breakfast…
You totally don’t have to like olives. It won’t even hurt their feelings.
Good to see ya.
I hate olives too! yuck, yuck, yuck. Just found your blog! Its fab! x